Surviving your first Christmas after the loss of a loved one

Grief is always hard, especially around milestones like birthdays and anniversaries. Arguably the most difficult time when you’re grieving though, is Christmas. It feels very pertinent this year as I have people close to me who are experiencing bereavement.

You may be dreading the first festive season without your loved one, understandably so. Nothing will make it easy. But here are some things that will hopefully make it feel a bit more manageable.

Let go of expectations

First of all, it’s important to accept that Christmas won’t be the same without the person you have lost. It can be tempting to busy yourself trying to make things perfect, in the hope that will make up for the pain. But the fact is that it will be hard and there’s only so much you can pretend everything is normal. Accepting that things will be different is the first step. Once you do this, it will alleviate some of the pressure to have a good time.

Comfort each other

Being in the company of friends or family who are also grieving can help you feel less alone. It allows you to be more honest about how you’re feeling without having to put on a brave face, because they get it. Feeling you can talk about the person you’ve lost without worrying that you’re “bringing down the mood” can  be such a relief.

Embrace me-time

That said, sometimes it all feels too much and you just need to be on your own. Self-care is a must when you're experiencing grief. So why not spend the holidays doing things you enjoy, even if they’re not typically festive. This bring us onto the next tip...

Embrace saying "no"

There can be a lot of pressure during this time of year to say “yes” to everything, even if it’s something you really don't want to do. I’m not suggesting it’s mega healthy to completely isolate yourself and just wallow in your misery either, but try to find a balance and don't do things just because you feel like you should.

Honour your loved one

Find ways to honour your loved one and feel that they’re still a part of the festivities. Maybe watching their favourite festive film, having a go at a recipe of theirs you love, or sharing stories about them from Christmases past. You could also get creative and make a decoration that reminds you of that person, something you can hang on the tree every year to remember them.

Create new traditions

It can feel comforting to cling to old traditions, to make it feel like it used to. But like I said above, it will sadly never be completely like it used to be. While you can still keep those traditions alive, it’s also a good time to make new ones. Perhaps you change up your Christmas day menu or spend Boxing Day reading in your PJs. You might want to visit your late loved one’s grave or somewhere they used to like going for a walk, as a way of bringing them in while embracing a new ritual.

Give Back

While it’s important to honour yourself and what you need at this difficult time, it can also really help to focus on others to give you a sense of purpose. Whether that’s handing out meals, singing carols at a care home as part of a choir, or taking the time to speak to somebody experiencing homelessness, it can really make a difference. It might seem selfish to say this but doing good feels good. And regardless of your motivation, it can never be a bad thing. Even if you don’t have the time to give, you could always donate food or presents to those in need.

I hope these suggestions help you feel more confident in surviving your first Christmas after the loss of a loved one. As someone who has gone through this in the past, just know that you are not alone. I know it won’t be easy, but you will get through it.

If you need support, consider reaching out to one of these bereavement organisations.

Seasons Greetings and until next time, take care.